The following article was originally published in The Meadville Tribune’s Active For Life supplement  and titled, “Steps to avoid looming loneliness of retirement” which ran 1/29/2011




My wife Lisa and I share a rather unusual level of closeness. We do everything together. We work together (she is the office manager of my chiropractic practice), we play together, we parent together, we even share a single car together (and have for the past seven years). While some might find the amount of time we spend together excessive, I could not imagine life any other way. Lisa completes me in every way and truly is the love of my life. Some might even say that we are soulmates. What exactly is a soulmate anyways? Strictly speaking, a soulmate is the one(s) who resonates perfectly with your soul. However, it is my opinion that everyone you are attracted to and connect with resonates (or resonated) with who you are (or were) at that time. Not only that, but I would go so far as to say that they resonate (or resonated) 100% perfectly with who you are (or were) at any given moment in time. We are always attracting our ideal mates. It’s just that the one(s) who are ideal for us at any given time are not always to our liking. Therefore, if you want to find / attract your “ideal” soulmate, you must first become the match to that which you seek. If you are not satisfied with whom you have been attracting, then you need to up-level your own soul development first!


Often times, people will move to a new locale to get a “new start” only to find that they are plagued by the exact same problems as before. The reason is, wherever you go, there you are! This also explains why some people keep ending up in bad relationships with similar personality types who have certain quirks or dysfunctions. Until you change who you are on the inside, you will keep attracting the same themes, no matter where you move. In the words of motivational speaker Les Brown, “You don’t get in life what you want. You get what you are.” (1) Finding and attracting your “ideal” soulmate has far more to do with who you be (your level of being) than what you do!


When I reached the point in my own personal development that I wanted to find my “ideal” soulmate, rather than just settle for whomever was available at any given time, I created a three-step process that went like this:


First, I sat down and thought about exactly what traits, qualities, etc. my ideal soulmate would have. In this way, I figured I would be better able to recognize her (or not her) when she arrived. Initially, this process began by stating what trait, qualities, etc. I did not want. Most people have been in a bad relationship or three, so it’s usually easier to begin there. Just remember, the negatives (what you don’t want) are your starting point, not your ending point. After re-stating / re-formulating my wants into the positives (what I did want), I wrote them down in as much detail as possible.


Second, and this is the biggest one, I set about developing those same traits in myself that I wished to find in another. Intuitively, I knew that like attracts like. Furthermore, I felt it unrealistic to expect to receive from another that which I was unable to give. So, the process of personal development began. I truly strove to be the person my dog thought I was when he would greet me each day after work!


Finally, I set about pursuing those activities I had always had “on hold until someday when I find my true love.” I had always wanted to compete in bodybuilding competitions and felt that “someday”, with the right woman beside me, I would be able to pursue such. So, I picked a competition twelve weeks away and started training for it. Four weeks out from show, I met Lisa! This last step is the ultimate act of faith, acting “as if” you already have found that which you seek. Consistency and congruency are the key. For example, seeking your true love while simultaneously engaging in one-night stands is not congruent. The very act of going out, trolling for whomever you can find, sends a very different message than wanting to find your true love. Hopefully, you wouldn’t engage in these behaviors if you were in a loving, committed relationship with your true soulmate. Acting how you would act if you already had your ideal love in your life is the key.


Those already partnered with someone, but not satisfied with their relationship can instantly up-level it by working on themselves, improving who they be on the inside.


Summarizing this 3-step process:


1.)   Decide – exactly what does your ideal love look like? Put it in writing. State it in the affirmative only (what you want, not what you don’t want).


2.)   Change who you be (your level of being) – develop those same traits in yourself that you wish to find in another. Remember, like attracts like.


3.)   Act “as if” – what would you be doing if you already had your ideal mate beside you?


By the way, Lisa and I have been together through the good (success & prosperity), the bad (going broke 3x in 4 years) and the ugly (my near fatal appendix rupture) for nearly twenty years now and she still makes it all worthwhile!!!


Dr. Jon M. Ketcham

Author iContractor 1 & Dream re-Kindler to Earth-bound Travelers of Light


(1) Success: Quotes for Achievers Les Brown p.19











You Don't Need A Bribe To Join My Tribe...

No whiz-bang reports. No "Secret" Strategies. I won't beg and cajole you. Just an invitation...Come, let's walk this journey called "life" together. Once a month or so, you'll get an update with insights and excerpts of our journey. Go ahead, make it official.. Let's walk this journey as one.